Counselors often advise students to apply for a couple of schools that are a little out of their reach, a couple that they’re likely to be accepted by, and one or two “back-up” schools. But is it clearly best to go to the “stretch” school if you’re accepted? Does your ultimate success require it?
If you head for the toughest school that will accept you, you’ll find yourself in class with the others who are at or above your own ability level. On the one hand, that’s truly a great thing. Being surrounded by people who challenge you is an environment where phenomenal learning can take place. If that’s exciting to you, go for it!
However, for some students, being challenged at that level is terrifying enough to literally immobilize them. Suddenly they’re no longer at the top of the heap; for the first time, they have to study hard in order to pass, leaving them questioning their ability. When students have equated self-worth with the capacity to pick up new material and get A’s without a learning curve, they can become pretty depressed when faced with material that doesn’t allow for instant success. And that’s what classes at highly selective schools are made of.
So what’s the answer?
First, recognize that attendance at a high-price, highly selective school is not mandatory for career success. Here’s a great article that addresses this. You can have a fantastic experience in a less competitive environment — and move into a great career from there.
Second, you don’t have to decide right this minute. Go ahead and apply for those stretch schools. In the meantime, choose some experiences while you’re still in high school that really challenge you and require sustained effort, including repeated trials and “failures”. Learn how to find the support, whether your parents, a teacher, a coach, or a friend, to work through your feelings about not being instantly successful. In other words, get good at not being instantly great.
It may take practice for you to feel okay about not getting something right the first time out. You may feel hurt or overwhelmed, afraid or even angry — and that’s why it’s so important to have people you can talk to. Work through those feelings and keep on trying! Make it a point to develop relationships that will provide the support you need to persist when the going gets rough. True strength lies in the ability to keep going when you’re not instantly successful. It’s that very ability that will help you succeed in all kinds of things throughout your life.
